I remember loving going to school until seventh grade. That was the year when I started to fall behind. As each year went by, I found it so pointless to be doing the same things every year and it was starting to lose its meaning. 

I was dreading starting high school. Four years of me trying to figure out what I want for my future? Unexpectedly, I did enjoy my first two years of high school. I was happy with myself and actually liked school. I realized that it was a good distraction and I felt like a normal teenager.  

There are a lot of pros and cons when it comes to school. Some pros are how I’ve gotten closer to my friends and they helped get me to be more open. I even enjoyed some of my classes. 

But the cons stuck out to me, one such being that school can feel pretty flawed. It felt like for four years the assignments were piling up and I was pulling all-nighters just to finish. There felt like a gap between junior high and high school. I felt so underprepared, even when teachers were saying how junior high was to prepare students for high school.

Freshman year, I remember my friends being in AP classes and how stressful it was for them. I thought it was a lot of pressure for 14 and 15 year olds to be thrown into college-level classes. At the same time, I wished to be put into those classes just because I would be able to see my friends more than just lunch time. 

Sophomore year was a time in which I wish I could go back. I had classes with my friends. I was getting good grades. I was allowed to leave campus for lunch and funny enough, I actually liked coming to school for once. I felt more lively than I’ve ever been.

Then it all started with an extended spring break because of the pandemic, and it finished with being online and not going back to school. At first, it didn’t seem so horrible. Being able to do school from the comfort of my bedroom sounded perfect to me. 

But the more time I spent inside, the more I felt worse. “I’ll do it tomorrow, I still have time” became a constant. Procrastination was a given and my motivation was gone. Even now, it feels like I’m here physically but not mentally.

Some days were better than others. Some days I would force myself to complete assignments so that I didn’t fall further behind than I already was. I found it so hard to care, but I’ve learned to push myself to just finish it to be done with it.